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Dear God,

I disappointed God. He has created alot for me. God prepared for me. On the other way, I disappoints a lot of people and even myself. From my love ones to my friends and to my family. Its too much for them to take. They trusted me so much and have faith in me. What I did in the end? Its the same thing. Hurting them over and over again.. For all the time I thought things have nothing wrong and it runs smoothly as it goes. When things happened each and everyone will have a different opinions looking on the case that happened. No matter what is it, it is people’s view. You will need to endure it and take it. It is essential. Why? Most of the time oneself does things they does not think on how other feels. It hurts people outthere. Destroying hopes and faith they used to have in you. Are you wrong? or Are you right? There’s no definite answer. Each one of us think differently. Mindset you hear that?

Most of the time as a human we gave reasons to our-self when shit happens. Things has already been happened and now whats the point of giving out pointless reasons? Take it and experience it as a part of life. I always thought when things happened I will need to provide a reason to give that problem a lil justification just to make others and myself feels better. But that was my thinking, this is not what others wanted at all.

For the past week, I really wish to sit down talk to you all outthere… This is what I wanted not what you all wanted.. Respect is what we should learn in life. Learn how to accept people’s opinions and choice. Not just thinking what you wanted people to listen and does. I really treasure each one of you outthere and I didn’t meant to hurt you. Being regret is way too late, there’s nothing I can say anymore on what I’ve did in the past. It has been a week where I kept on holding the same hatred I had for the past one week. I look back in anger. 

Tonight I decide to let it go completely. I always ask and beg for forgiveness. Is only forgiveness what I wanted? Maybe I am really obsessed with the word. FORGIVENESS. But does it mean anything? Able to make changes and improve oneself and changes will be more effective then asking forgiveness from others. Think it through, when things happened how can you expect people to forgive you in such a manner. I am being really really hard headed towards this.. Now, its really time to let go and forgive myself before I ask forgiveness from other people.. Make oneself a better person, continue with my own life and stop blaming.
In life, I always expected something. But before I expect something, do I give it to other people when people need it? No I didn’t.. Instead the other way. I ask for more and gave in less. Bear this in mind people, Give and Take. Give more, expect less. I was wrong all the time at this.

For all these while, I was never the person I wanted to be. I’m lost. I lost faith. I turned into another person. Sometimes, even when I look back I felt shame and disgrace. Where is myself? The real me? I always thought the feeling of loving and care really drift abroad from me.. But actually it never even drifted away. It is always here. But I blinded myself by telling myself I am lack of love and attention. The things I does is definitely asking for more love, care and attention. I started to do things only me myself know what is the intention. Most of the time I will get what I wanted to get. This is not the way it is.
 

For all the sentences I have state above it really affects because I will live with what I type above upthere. I want to be a useful person that I can do something and I feel great and proud on it. I seek forgiveness from you God. But there’s nothing much more effective than being myself once again….

Take care everyone of you outthere. I do wish all the best for you all outthere. Life’s great. Live Life to the Fullest!